It may be for the birds...

My duties include but not limited to; Personal Chef, Personal Cleaning Service, Fluff and Fold, Valet, Storytime Moderator, Therapist, Shoulder, Occasional Punching Bag, Mind Reader, and Memory Keeper. All of which I do with love, occasional patience, and on a daily basis. I am the first of my group of friends to have babies and it changes your whole world. To me selfless wasn't even a word I used, mind you I wasn't selfish, but sorta, sure! everybody is. Came and left as I pleased, sat on the couch on a Sunday and watched as many Sex and the City episodes as I could get in a 12 hour period. Only leaving the couch to a) Switch sides b) Get a snack c) Go to the bathroom. I Did Naoj all day and all night. After I had Avery(Our bundle of surprise), I went through postpartum depression. It lasted for quite some time, peaks and valleys. There was never a moment where I didn't have love for my baby but I felt alone in a lot of ways. Rick was at work all day and I knew my friends couldn't understand what I was going through, my emotional state, or personal decisions. It was tough, definitely divides the waters when your young and the first, you lose some people along the way. I had to come to terms with all that and living out of state from all I had known put even more strain on my emotions. What I was going through, that I didn't know then, was "grieving" my former self. My freedom, my body, my breasts, my "me time". God, where are the books that say that shit?! I would have taken it better if I could have read that it was normal.. to look up and say shit! this is a lot of damn work, and it may be for the birds. I don't care what age you have a baby or if it's all you ever wanted(raising my hand) you have to grieve your former life. It was no longer about me but ALL about this baby, when she eats, when she sleeps, when she cries. Not that I didn't already know that but when it's real, it's REAL. I even got shafted at Christmas! Say what? you're just gonna get the baby something?! I have to believe everybody goes through this ah-ha moment where they realize they just took a really big bite on a full stomach. I still have my moments, three years and second baby into it, where I'm grieving my former self. It usually comes when I'm having to preform one of my many daily duties and I'm like... this is my life! Wrist deep in shit, the dishwasher needs to be unloaded and if she asks me for Dora one more f'n time I'm gonna throw her over the balcony... This is my life...everyday...all day! Now, don't get me wrong, I love my family and I'm happy to do it because I chose this and I want nothing more than to make sure they are happy and healthy, but damn... Somedays..Damn! I can see myself in that hammock in Jamaica, red stripe in one hand, joint in the other...(deep breath in, and awww bliss). Ladies where's the real scoop at?, not the shiny new hardcover "YOU! having a baby" fuck that... let's be real, it's more than you can chew, period. You'll make it through, or women wouldn't have 7 babies, but yeah! it's a lot of work and you can't prepare yourself for it, just brace yourself and enjoy the ride. Coming through the first tunnel on this road, I can say... I am proud to be selfless. In all that that word encompasses, my nails are sometimes raggedy, all of my hairs need to be trimmed ; ), and I could use a couple new pieces in my closet. But my babies are taken care of, and it's only when I sit down or have a moment in the bathroom by myself that I take notice of those things and care. My new self is so rich in love,  and hugs and kisses. I have found joy in seeing the world through my children's eyes and  I am a softer, nicer person. I am grateful for the new me they have shown me...and now that the dust is settling I have glimpses of Naoj in there still, telling stories and making people laugh. Dropping it like it's hot on the dance floor..I still got it!

Until next time...

The Last Month in Pictures.. Yo Gabba Gabba, Thanksgiving, misc.

Setting the timer...

We have been quite the busy bees lately. We are making more friends, being more active and the Holidays are fast approaching. It always sneaks up on us, I don't understand why, but every freakin' year we are unprepared for the season. Then we act shocked at how much money it costs us... DUH! You'd think we'd get the hint... he's stressed, I'm butt hurt cause the tree is kinda bare and I think he's a scrooge. Yet here we are 2010! Thanksgiving was lovely, so good to be back and gather all together, new faces, old ones and lots of laughs and family... truly what it is all about. I've become quite the lil "Susie Home Maker" I love to cook and bake and this time of year I always  find myself getting ballsy. I made pie crust from scratch for the first time and it turned out well.. those kinds of things can be daunting. I made homemade sweet potato and pumpkin pie and fresh cookies and I did the stuffing. I'm always harder on myself than others, I really wanna know if it's good.. don't just blow smoke up my ass, like, I want the truth...I can handle the truth! Berkely hit a milestone developmentally, she laughs all the time and is coming into her little personality. she is a mover and a shaker(practically crawling), and has found her voice and everything within arms reach and beyond. Avery is testing my patience on a daily! oooooohhhhh is she testy, I know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree on either side, poor thing really didn't have a chance. She whys me to death and is on her own time table when it comes to just about everything! She is such a character, she has been calling me by first name and the inflections in her tone are eerily grown. It's like, excuse me, who are you talking to like that... talking about " Okay, Naoj..One minute" Say what?! I will snatch your lil ass, you don't even know me like that! It's been 'Battle of the Strong Willed' at the dinner table, shit...actually breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Meal time was becoming torture so I started setting the timer, Once the timer goes off and she's not finished, something gets taken away. Be it a show, toys, or activities. It's been working well, not solid yet, but a vast improvement. We also use the timer when Daddy gets home and he can barely get in the door before Avery is all over him asking to play "Cars" or "Little People"! I think it helps him too, he knows he's got 15 minutes to do whatever he needs to do and then get your game face on! Now Avery is using the timer for her own benefit, nap time...set the timer! bed time...set the timer! "Mommy, you wanna play?", "In a couple minutes Peanut", "Okay, set the timer!" Come to think of it, Rick and I need the timer on a yearly basis.. You have 10 min. till the holidays, get your shit together!

Until next time...

The"Other"Mothers

I have wanted to be a mommy as far back as I can remember. I played house more than any other game in my repertoire. I wasn't messing around either, I took it seriously...I nursed, had real baby clothes, and a diaper bag! I was a faithful barbie player too, until 9th grade!(on the DL, of course). When I look back at journal entries, they are filled with baby names and dreams of homes in the french country side. I was also married to someone named Jean-Luc, I keep asking Rick to speak in another language...it's not working out so well. Now that I am a mommy, I still take it seriously, I am an avid book reader and google search freak. When I found out that I was pregnant with Avery, I had hopes of mommy groups, prenatal yoga and a body that bounced back. I wanted to be like all of those "other" pregnant women I saw; cute, stylish, and glowing. I soon found that I was too tired to do prenatal yoga(and terrified of queefing), I was gaining quicker than I thought I would and I didn't enjoy my pregnancy like every doe eyed person I encountered seemed to think I should. Where were the books that said I would feel like an Alien invaded my body, that things would be itching, growing, and secreting from places they just shouldn't have. Towards the end, I loved feeling her kick and move inside, but I couldn't wait for it to be over. Las Vegas + End of August due date= Big Hot Angry Bitch! Ask my husband!

So fast forward through a second pregnancy(more enjoyable, expect for full body itch the entire 3rd tri.) we are full swing in playdates, post pregnancy body, and finding my rhythm. The "Other" women are still around...except now they are mommies too. I went to a Mothers learning circle and it was the first time I had ever heard a term for these women(The Others), the ones we compare ourselves against. You know... the ones that did prenatal yoga, bounced back, nursed for two years, make their own baby food, have top of the line everything, and have a perfect marriage. Why don't I have the energy to work out, or play hours of "Little People", I have recipe books to make my own baby food, why isn't it stocked in the freezer next to the 3 months supply of breast milk?! Am I not as good as these mothers?

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to go to the lake for a lunch playdate. I was running late as usual, and grabbed one bag of fruit snacks for Avery on the way out the door. Berkely started screaming about half way there and I got lost. Needless to say, I was hot, frazzled, and feeling a mess. I get all my shit set up, meet a new friend, and Avery says...I'm hungry! Okay here's your fruit snacks! But then she was still hungry, well I didn't have anything else! Great! now I really look a mess, what kinda mother shows up for a lunch playdate, without a lunch?! Of course "The Other" had cut up fruit, string cheese, she was on time, calm and really cute. If I could turn beet red, I would have. It was a low moment, not my first and not my last. We ended up having a great time and on the way home we stopped at a deli to let Berkely sleep(for a smooth car transfer), and get some lunch. It was a beautiful day, the weather was perfect and we had a lovely lunch. What could have stayed with me all day ended up becoming a special moment for Avery and I to talk, and enjoy each others company. What I realized through these "learning circles" is that we often compare our lowest moments to someones' highest. My new friend later said, "you have no idea what screaming it took to get that fruit cut up"! What about the "other" other mothers. The mothers whose kids have food all over their face, hair matted and they themselves look a mess, they probably look at me and think I have it all together! We see people in their highest moments and compare them to our lowest, but we will never match up. We are all just trying our best to give our children all that we are capable of at that moment. I have looked at what others had my entire life and compared their apples to my oranges, now that I'm a mother, I'm comparing children. What I have taken from this is that I have all that I need, I give all that I can give, and when I leave this place(no matter what size) I have loved and been loved.

Until next time...

Genesis; The Creation

I was reluctant to start a blog, I didn't know if I really wanted to write about my life. I felt like my best friend who fought tooth and nail not to get a facebook account, now she's on it more than I am. So okay, fuck it! oh! Can I say that?! Yes I can, I can say whatever I want to say! Fuck, Shit, Son of a Bitch! awww... that feels good, the first session is always a bit of getting to know you and letting guards down. So after much convincing and conversation, I'm writing this blog to tell my point of view. It "should" be quite entertaining; my little life stories, my ever increasing neurosis, and my everyday therapy session navigating through parenthood. It may not always be grammatically correct, but at the end of the day who gives a shit.

This is Genesis

My name is Naoj(accent over the 'a') Andrews. Unique name you say... why thank you! well thank my mom. Kinda sounds like nuage or neige, but it's not french. It's my grandmothers name spelled backwards. I am a wife, mother of my two beautiful girls, daughter, sister, and friend. I would call myself a free thinking spiritual person. The power of positive thought and words can heal, change, and empower. My husband and I had put positive thoughts on moving out of Las Vegas for the past three years. Our dream was to raise our growing family in an environment that was exciting and enriching to all of our spirits and minds. Besides the fact that I wanted to go home more than anything in the world and Vegas just didn't quite fit on me. Like many blessing; out of the blue, this past May he got laid off from his job and within three weeks had a new position in Northern California. So off he went, leaving me (8 1/2 mo. pregnant) and our almost 3 yr. old Avery to pack the house up(with the help of "the moms") and end one chapter of our lives to begin another. It's been 3 months since I've relocated and I still can't believe we are here. We have done more, seen more, and ate better than we had in all the time we lived in Las Vegas. I have made fast friends and am enjoying every moment of this life filled with fresh air, fresh food, and refreshing personalities. Our newest addition Berkely is a spit fire fatness ball of joy(sometimes, lets be real). She has more to say, grabs more, and in tradition of our Andrews babies; is a sassy lil somebody. Avery (the personality) has coped so well to our new environment and a new sister. She just started preschool yesterday and was very comfortable being left and playing/interacting with the other kids. The only thing the teacher said, was that Avery was "sharing" in other kids snack bags. What's hers is hers and what's yours is hers too! Rick(the hubby) is thriving at work and in better spirits all around. He's become quite the Bay Area guy; AIDS walks, helping neighbors, BART enthusiast, and PRIDE Parades! We are enjoying each others company and getting to know each other in a whole new way; through weekend adventures... what can I say, Life is good!

Until next time...