The"Other"Mothers

I have wanted to be a mommy as far back as I can remember. I played house more than any other game in my repertoire. I wasn't messing around either, I took it seriously...I nursed, had real baby clothes, and a diaper bag! I was a faithful barbie player too, until 9th grade!(on the DL, of course). When I look back at journal entries, they are filled with baby names and dreams of homes in the french country side. I was also married to someone named Jean-Luc, I keep asking Rick to speak in another language...it's not working out so well. Now that I am a mommy, I still take it seriously, I am an avid book reader and google search freak. When I found out that I was pregnant with Avery, I had hopes of mommy groups, prenatal yoga and a body that bounced back. I wanted to be like all of those "other" pregnant women I saw; cute, stylish, and glowing. I soon found that I was too tired to do prenatal yoga(and terrified of queefing), I was gaining quicker than I thought I would and I didn't enjoy my pregnancy like every doe eyed person I encountered seemed to think I should. Where were the books that said I would feel like an Alien invaded my body, that things would be itching, growing, and secreting from places they just shouldn't have. Towards the end, I loved feeling her kick and move inside, but I couldn't wait for it to be over. Las Vegas + End of August due date= Big Hot Angry Bitch! Ask my husband!

So fast forward through a second pregnancy(more enjoyable, expect for full body itch the entire 3rd tri.) we are full swing in playdates, post pregnancy body, and finding my rhythm. The "Other" women are still around...except now they are mommies too. I went to a Mothers learning circle and it was the first time I had ever heard a term for these women(The Others), the ones we compare ourselves against. You know... the ones that did prenatal yoga, bounced back, nursed for two years, make their own baby food, have top of the line everything, and have a perfect marriage. Why don't I have the energy to work out, or play hours of "Little People", I have recipe books to make my own baby food, why isn't it stocked in the freezer next to the 3 months supply of breast milk?! Am I not as good as these mothers?

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to go to the lake for a lunch playdate. I was running late as usual, and grabbed one bag of fruit snacks for Avery on the way out the door. Berkely started screaming about half way there and I got lost. Needless to say, I was hot, frazzled, and feeling a mess. I get all my shit set up, meet a new friend, and Avery says...I'm hungry! Okay here's your fruit snacks! But then she was still hungry, well I didn't have anything else! Great! now I really look a mess, what kinda mother shows up for a lunch playdate, without a lunch?! Of course "The Other" had cut up fruit, string cheese, she was on time, calm and really cute. If I could turn beet red, I would have. It was a low moment, not my first and not my last. We ended up having a great time and on the way home we stopped at a deli to let Berkely sleep(for a smooth car transfer), and get some lunch. It was a beautiful day, the weather was perfect and we had a lovely lunch. What could have stayed with me all day ended up becoming a special moment for Avery and I to talk, and enjoy each others company. What I realized through these "learning circles" is that we often compare our lowest moments to someones' highest. My new friend later said, "you have no idea what screaming it took to get that fruit cut up"! What about the "other" other mothers. The mothers whose kids have food all over their face, hair matted and they themselves look a mess, they probably look at me and think I have it all together! We see people in their highest moments and compare them to our lowest, but we will never match up. We are all just trying our best to give our children all that we are capable of at that moment. I have looked at what others had my entire life and compared their apples to my oranges, now that I'm a mother, I'm comparing children. What I have taken from this is that I have all that I need, I give all that I can give, and when I leave this place(no matter what size) I have loved and been loved.

Until next time...