Please bow your heads... we are gathered here today to pay tribute to sleep training. My hope, my strength, my will. We had some good days we had some bad... It was lovely(kinda) while it lasted, wasn't it? Well 6 teeth at once took a shank to sleep trainings side and it bleed out...right into my bed and nursing throughout the night! Yup! that's right..She's BAAAACCCCCCKKKKKK!!! I tried..I really did..Dammit I did!! But we live in an apt., but Rick has to get up in the morning, but she's in pain, but I'm too tired to fight, but, but but.. What'else you want?! What'else you want?! I gotta pocket full. I'm up in to my eyeballs in excuses and to me, they all make sense. And I'm just Fuckin' tired of being tired and tired of my heavy pocket.
So what now?! Well today I bought some Milk, we'll start there.
My 10 year reunion is in three weeks... I've got three weeks to get her less dependent on me. You would not believe the the gut nauseating fear that comes with leaving your child. "The fear" sounds crazy, but it's daunting and I can't explain it. As I was writing this I had an ah-ha moment! I guess that's the great thing about journaling.
The fear comes from a few different places(ah ha!)
1. Her crying uncontrollably
2. My breasts filling up like a couple of tight water balloons(you know, the ones that make that squeaky sound)
and 3. A combo of those sprinkled with questioning patience levels, being gone all day, and something else I can't think of right now. Ah Yes! Control!
My fears keep me up(among other things), I have a pit in my stomach. And for what? Seriously... what ever happened to a baby when left with her Daddy and her sister for the day? I mean, let's remove all the things that could happen and just ask really?! There's gotta be a first time. So why does it feel so daunting.
My Saturday the 18th looks something like this:
8:30 Bridal Breakfast @ Lake Shore Cafe
10:00 Izek Aveda Salon for Spa Treatments
6:00 10 Year Reunion
What a fun day! I haven't had a day like this, well... EVER! I've never had a weekend like this one will be. Eating, Socializing, getting Pampered, looking good and feeling good. It sounds like just what the doctor ordered this bedraggled woman! And at the same time I have this feeling like I won't end up doing it. It's the fear, the noise(for those of you reading Bethany Frankels' 'A place of yes!')
So... milk in had we are saying goodbye to sleep training take 1 and welcoming the birth of sleep training take 2! Let the death of one bring light and clarity to the next as we embark on a new life, one hopefully filled with silent nights.
You can do it Momma!!! You deserve that day. And as much as I would be scared too, you need to do it!!
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