Attached!

Attachment Parenting:

The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we'd like them to interact with others.

This is the style of parenting that I practice. It's sounds more thought through than I had originally given it, I had no idea what attachment parenting was when I had Avery. I had no idea what much of anything was. I'll never forget when the nurse rolled her in for the first time, almost 2 hours after I had delivered her cesarean. (I have many opinions about my birth story but that's a whole other conversation) I was calm and assured yet nervous and wide eyed, here she was.. my baby. It was the beginning of forever. I didn't want to let her go and I thought she should always be close, she literally just came out of my body. So instead of letting her sleep in that little rolling box they give you, I laid her small little body on top of mine and we slept. smell, warmth, heart, bond. When we arrived home, Rick had the 'pack and play' set up in the en suite of the bedroom, everything we could have needed neatly organized in baskets... Such a good Daddy. That first night, like many I placed her down to sleep in the 'pack and play' and that night, like many she didn't stay sleep for long. She was squirmy, hated being swaddled tightly, she wasn't comfortable. I wasn't comfortable, I could barely sleep, I jumped at every sound(stricken with S.I.D.S fear) I thought..okay enough of this! I put her in our bed...and there she stayed. As the weeks turned into months I found myself choosing practices that felt very natural and right for me. I used a wrap carrier, shared a bed, breastfed, and knew staying home with my baby was an option I wouldn't pass up.

I was talking with my bestie who is an early childhood development educator, and she threw a term at me that bundled me up and gave light to everything I found myself doing . "Nine Months In- Nine Months Out". Ah Ha! Yes! I think I even welled up with tears, just in that phrase I felt like someone said, it's okay! You'd be surprised at the pressure you feel from family on how things are "supposed" to be done. Western Culture is one of the only cultures that puts their young away from them after birth. Many of us have heard our parents and grandparents say,"put that baby down, you're spoiling 'em!" Studies have shown that babies who are held close and nurtured by a strong mother-infant bond develop quicker. Something I didn't know...I didn't know a lot, but with this I began my search. I typed "NMI-NMO" into google and discovered an entire network and movement of parents bucking the system a bit and doing what came natural to them. Most of the people in forums had written, they didn't even know they were practicing Attachment Parenting when they heard about it. Like me, they felt compelled to do what felt right for them, not what a book or anybody else said was right. I kept listening to my gut, your baby should be close to your heart, smell,  and sound, that I wouldn't let her cry in another room until she understood that I was coming back, that our bond was strong and she was safe.( I literally cringe when people tell me CIO with a 4 month old baby...cringe) I was blown away at the supportive community, and the deep rooted human need to connect that is the essence of an attachment.

Avery Birth Bonding

Avery Birth Bonding with Daddy

Here are the 7 B's or Basic theories in Attachment Parenting:

1. Birth bonding

The way baby and parents get started with one another helps the early attachment unfold. The days and weeks after birth are a sensitive period in which mothers and babies are uniquely primed to want to be close to one another. A close attachment after birth and beyond allows the natural, biological attachment-promoting behaviors of the infant and the intuitive, biological, caregiving qualities of the mother to come together. Both members of this biological pair get off to the right start at a time when the infant is most needy and the mother is most ready to nurture (see Bonding)

"What if something happens to prevent our immediate bonding?"

Sometimes medical complications keep you and your baby apart for a while, but then catch-up bonding is what happens, starting as soon as possible. When the concept of bonding was first delivered onto the parenting scene twenty years ago, some people got it out of balance. The concept of human bonding being an absolute "critical period" or a "now-or-never" relationship was never intended. Birth bonding is not like instant glue that cements the mother-child relationship together forever. Bonding is a series of steps in your lifelong growing together with your child. Immediate bonding simply gives the parent- infant relationship a headstart. (See "Birth Bonding")

2. Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is an exercise in babyreading. Breastfeeding helps you read your baby's cues, her body language, which is the first step in getting to know your baby. Breastfeeding gives baby and mother a smart start in life. Breastmilk contains unique brain-building nutrients that cannot be manufactured or bought. Breastfeeding promotes the right chemistry between mother and baby by stimulating your body to produce prolactin and oxytocin, hormones that give your mothering a boost.

3. Babywearing

A baby learns a lot in the arms of a busy caregiver. Carried babies fuss less and spend more time in the state of quiet alertness, the behavior state in which babies learn most about their environment. Babywearing improves the sensitivity of the parents. Because your baby is so close to you, you get to know baby better. Closeness promotes familiarity. (Click here for more information on Babywearing)

4. Bedding close to baby

Wherever all family members get the best night's sleep is the right arrangement for your individual family. Co-sleeping co-sleeping adds a nighttime touch that helps busy daytime parents reconnect with their infant at night. Since nighttime is scary time for little people, sleeping within close touching and nursing distance minimizes nighttime separation anxiety and helps baby learn that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a fearless state to remain in.

5. Belief in the language value of your baby's cry

A baby's cry is a signal designed for the survival of the baby and the development of the parents. Responding sensitively to your baby's cries builds trust. Babies trust that their caregivers will be responsive to their needs. Parents gradually learn to trust in their ability to appropriately meet their baby's needs. This raises the parent-child communication level up a notch. Tiny babies cry to communicate, not to manipulate. (See Crying and Cry it Out)

6. Beware of baby trainers

Attachment parenting teaches you how to be discerning of advice, especially those rigid and extreme parenting styles that teach you to watch a clock or a schedule instead of your baby; you know, the cry-it-out crowd. This "convenience" parenting is a short-term gain, but a long-term loss, and is not a wise investment. These more restrained styles of parenting create a distance between you and your baby and keep you from becoming an expert in your child.

7. Balance

In your zeal to give so much to your baby, it's easy to neglect the needs of yourself and your marriage. As you will learn the key to putting balance in your parenting is being appropriately responsive to your baby – knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no," and having the wisdom to say "yes" to yourself when you need help.




for more information about AP

More tales about my experience with AP to come...