Blogoholic

  I was watching a recent episode of 'Super Nanny' and Jo said to this mom, "I truly believe you don't enjoy parenthood right now, theres something that you want that you're not getting"...and the woman broke down.(I just welled up with tears) Jo continued...what are you craving?.. and the mom said, "purpose, I need to be involved in something, I need to be using my brain." It hit home... Hot tears streamed down my face. Here I am.. fun, creative, love to get dressed up, love to socialize and laugh. All of those things I haven't been able(or have the energy) to do...and at times I find myself not enjoying parenthood. I hold a slight grudge when Rick gets home on friday nights after what they've deemed "Man's Meeting/Beer Fridays@work". He comes in kinda buzzed and energetic from what I call "The Dick Measuring Club", I immediately get irritated...Well aren't you lucky, you get to release on Fridays, hang out and socialize without interruption...I'm jealous. I don't get any time, ever really. 24 hours a day 7 days a week I'm on...and sometimes (I hate to admit) I'd rather be anywhere else.

 This is adulthood, this is parenthood, this is what it means to be a selfless. My mom and I often have conversations and she'll say, its always going to fall back on the mother. Whoa..okay! Reality Cheeeeeeeccccckkk! I have the power to change this. So to combat postpartum depression, and husband abuse ; ) I joined a play group, that helped...I got involved, that helped. But something was still missing, so begrudgingly(kinda) I started this blog, thinking like most other projects I've jumped into recently, it wasn't going to stick. I would say at first, I liked it... then I was over it. Then the New Year came and I thought, are you going to let another project fall to the wayside? So... I logged on!

A wave of clarity swept over me, I really could blog about my life; my likes, interests, and inspirations. The honest bare bones reality... the good, bad and the ugly. I could release it, creatively. I have spent every waking moment reading and searching out blogs. My poor husband has found himself with leftovers and to his enjoyment I'm sure, the freedom of t.v. You know that burning sensation under your eyes and you know you'll hate yourself in the morning...ya! I'm there. I have seen it all, I can't get enough... cross dressers, heroin stricken fashionistas, beautiful stories of survival, and the best of DIY'ers. I have become a Voyeur, well I've kinda always liked watching people and dissecting personalities. I used to be a huge fan of "The Sims" where you get to create and manage "simulated life", and indulge in all of your voyeuristic fantasies. That's what blogging is...a peek into strangers lives, and with all that I've seen.. I'm overwhelmed, underwhelmed, and everything in between.

I lay in bed blogging, I'm in the shower..blogging. It has revived me, inspired me and become my creative outlet, my therapy. I find myself capturing moments with the girls and writing blogs in my head...

Hi my name is Naoj...and I'm a blogoholic. ((In unison...Hi Naoj!))