Being Played

I have had endless conversations about sleep...or the lack thereof. Today I noticed how big my baby was getting; babbling, eating(or the lack thereof) playing, standing, and cruising. She is almost a year old and I've started to see that shift between baby/infant to infant/toddler. Last night I tried something new, just for shits and giggles. I knew she was beyond tired, so I grabbed the bear(our anti-breast, lovie) and maybe it was the wrong way to go about this, but I laid down in our bed with her and patted her back.

And for the first time I saw something, I saw my infant/toddler lay down and close her eyes. Done. Just like that. And for a minute she just laid there, her back moving from deep tired breaths. Then she promptly popped up and crawled over to me trying to nurse. I pulled her down, she squirmed, cried, fought, laid, rolled, cuddled her bear, kicked, laid, smacked her bear, screamed and for 3 minutes laid still. I wasn't even touching her at that point, and I realized...No, she's not hurt, her stomach doesn't hurt, she's tired, and been trained to nurse to sleep and that's what she wants to do. She again got up and this time screamed like she was in pain, and I thought, it's her stomach! well I did have cheese. She has a cheese allergy(I think, because her sister did, doctor says no..but..she had a body rash in the hospital?!)

I called Rick to bring the gripe water(gas drops and water) I picked her up(yes! I did) and bounced her and rubbed her back and stomach. Because I won't have my baby hurting and let her cry it out...I felt awful for my lack of self control...but ooohh was that pizza delicious. I have been dabbling in dairy for awhile, partly because I have the pediatrician in the back of my head. But yes it was the pizza, had to be the pizza(do you hear the desperation and denial). So I thought, well let's just see, let's just see if its the cheese. I did a test: 1) to shut this case(the case of "Is it the dairy") and 2) because I was ready for it to be over. I nursed her. And you know what?, she's fine. Her stomach doesn't hurt. I'm being played.

Tomorrow...We start the sleep training. stay tuned.